The Last Canadian
William C. Heine
Markham, ON: Pocket Books, 1974
253 pages
This review now appears, revised and rewritten, in my new book:
The Dusty Bookcase:A Journey Through Canada'sForgotten, Neglected, and Suppressed Writing
Available at the very best bookstores and through
Biblioasis, Amazon, Chapters/Indigo, and McNally-Robinson.
That version can be found on this post:
Reluctantly Revisiting Canada's Great Virus Novel
That version can be found on this post:
Reluctantly Revisiting Canada's Great Virus Novel
At first I thought I was going to have to get this one, as an apocalypse fan, but it quickly became apparent that I could give this one a miss. From the title/cover I was hoping for something more John Wyndham/John Christopher-ish, not some gung-ho loony claptrap. The wildly wrong tone of that last paragraph deserves some sort of anti-award.
ReplyDeleteGiving this one a miss is a real shame. The last Canadian is a really great novel that has been worth several re-reads.
DeleteTerrible blog about it on this page.
It'll be hard to get a copy though. It ranges from $65 in poor used condition up to multiple thousands in new condition. It's been published under two worse names though and those can be had in used condition for $20-30. Worth every penny. "The last American" or "Death Wind" are the other names.
I agree, Anon, it would be a shame to give this one a miss. But I've got to ask why you think think my criticism so terrible. Is the title not a cheat? Is the plot not nonsensical? Is it wrong to take our hero to task when he chuckles about kidnapping, torture and rape? More to the point, am I wrong in thinking Gene Arnprior unhinged?
DeleteI stand by my opinion that The Last Canadian is the stupidest Canadian novel. If you have a more deserving candidate, I will read it with hungry interest.
You're wrong in assuming this detracts from the tale. Would you rather it followed some sanctimonious farce of a human rather than someone obviously cracking under the strains of an absolutely extraordinary situation? Human beings don't chuckle about the macabre? Have you ever even been on the internet besides this rant about holding fictional characters to absurd political correctness standards? He's seemingly the most rational of decision makers at the start and most irrational by the finale, it's not difficult to follow.
DeleteP.S. I'll take that copy if you still have it :P
What are you suggesting I’m suggesting “detracts from the tale”, Anon? The tale itself is as silly and nonsensical as any I've read.
DeleteI’m glad we agree that Arnprior becomes unhinged; it’s something so few readers recognize.
I wonder when the insanity set in. When he hit his wife? When he threatened to beat his young child? Human beings don’t chuckle about kidnapping, torture and rape, Anon. A mentally ill person might. Perhaps I shouldn't criticize. Not very PC of me, is it?
(What did Arnprior try out in Korea and Japan, anyway?)
That Arnprior loses his mind does make for a more interesting novel. A post-Apocalyptic tale about some sanctimonious farce of a human would’ve been unbearable.
“Have you ever even been on the internet besides this rant about holding fictional characters to absurd political correctness standards?” you ask. Of course, I have - and if you look at other posts, or even reread this one, you’ll find your characterization baseless. Hell, I think Humbert Humbert is just about the greatest literary creation of all time.
Seems almost unfair to mention one after the other, which is why I’ve dropped a line here to return to Arnprior. He's the best realized character in the novel. He may have “done more to serve mankind than he could ever have imagined”, but he couldn’t save this from being the stupidest Canadian novel I've ever read.
Highly recommended.
P.S. Sadly, Anon, the spare copy I offered was claimed years ago. Just as well, really, I wouldn’t know whom to address it to.
I think John Wyndham (or John Harris) can rest in piece... nothing here to challenge The Chrysalids as the finest novel set in a post-apocalyptic Canada.
ReplyDeleteI love The Chrysalids, that said though this novel isn't too far behind in post apocalyptic fiction. I'd place The Giver between the two on my list of the top 3.
DeleteYou do know that "The Happy Hairdresser" has me written all over it...the question now is "how to get a copy?"
ReplyDeleteJAW fan
JAW fan,
ReplyDeleteI see that Abebooks currently lists eleven copies of The Happy Hairdresser for sale (ranging in price from US$2.99 to US$35). A word of warning, the American edition - also published by Pocket Books - has all Canadian references removed.
Don't ask how I know this.
As long as the Canadian references removed have nothing to do with Patsy Gallant, The Mad Dash, The Friendly Giant or Mr. Dress-Up...That would just be blasphemy!!!!
ReplyDeleteJAW fan
Oops! Mr. Dressup (no dash)...how positively un-Canadian of me.
ReplyDeleteJAW fan
Considering the author's occupation, I'm assuming all references to Resdan were removed.
ReplyDeleteAh, Mr. Dressup. I made a reference to the "Tickle Trunk" somewhere the other day and only later, in the silence that followed, did I remember that I was not among Canadians.
ReplyDeleteMy children have a cousin (on their mother's side) named Sam. Whenever his name comes up, I tell them, "She used to have a man... the man's name was SAM! He was the ultimate anti-hero!" Blank stares ensue.
Why isn't there a Canadian thriller about SAM!
Any book about SAM would defy categorization. A thriller, yes, in that it features the ultimate anti-hero. But let's not forget SAM's girl, Melody, and her supernatural smile that could "light the city skies at night". She was also able to dance her way into a man's heart, steal it... and yet the man would live on!
ReplyDeleteWhy did she stay?
Sadly, the video provides no clues.
A link to the video for Melody! (I spent a long time looking a few years ago.) The internet has come of age at last!
ReplyDeleteOkay, I'm watching the video right now. Two things. One: Lou Reed's Take a Walk on the Wild Side can kiss Boys Brigade's ass right on the crack and Two: Brian Busby was the lead singer of Boys Brigade?
ReplyDeleteTrue, we had the same haircut, but it seems our tastes differed greatly when it came to clothing, music and interpretive dance.
ReplyDeleteI love this novel > its just a book !
ReplyDeleteI also read The Last Canadian many, many years ago and forgot most of it, but your review made me laugh out load (aka lol). I desperately want to know how you know the Canadian references in The Happy Hairdresser were removed.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad the review amused. The Last Canadian is such an odd book in that it's by turns unintentionally funny and unintentionally disturbing.
DeleteTo answer your question about The Happy Hairdresser, I read about the changes in an old William French column (Globe & Mail, 5 Feb. 1974: 13). Mr French begins: "A funny thing happened to a Canadian book called The Happy Hairdresser when it crossed the border into the United States. Suddenly it was de-Canadianized, and all references to Canada were eliminated. Even the blurb on the jacket - 'The book in which Canadian women let down their hair' - was removed."
You've reminded me that I tracked down a copy (Canadian) years ago, but still haven't got around to reading it.
Oh.My.Goodness. I can't quite believe what I just read. Yup, Arnprior is a total whack-job. (Local slang for utterly unhinged, noted in case this term has obscene meanings elsewhere. Which it very well might.) And you're right, HE'S NOT EVEN CANADIAN.
ReplyDeleteStupidest Canadian novel ever - I'll second that motion. But strangely fascinating... (And what's with all the sex? And I want to know too - what strange practices did our "hero" indulge in whilst in Korea? On second thought, I don't really want to know.)
I was expecting something John Wyndham-ish. Called that one wrong!
So bad it's (almost) good. Must give Heine points for keeping things rolling right along. No time to waste on plausible details!
Great review - thank you.
Oh yes - mine was a bargain, too. Paperback in excellent condition (cover rubbed but interior tight and clean) - 75 cents Canadian at a little used book store one town over. What is that, like 50 cents US at our current exchange rate? Bargain!
One of a kind, for sure. At least, one fervently hopes so.
Indeed, strangely fascinating - which is why I've been keeping an eye out for Heine's second (and, sadly, last) novel The Sea Lord (a/k/a The Swordsman). You'd think that living just forty or so minutes from London, I'd have found it by now.
DeleteNope.
Today, after reading your comment, I gave in and ordered a copy online. Could it be stupider still? I just have to know! And I'll let you know.
One last thing: If you haven't seen it already, you'll thank me for pointing out Grady Hendrix's review > here. 'Tis brilliant!
Yesterday, Legends Used Books, Kamloops. B.C. : William C. Heine's The Swordsman, Bantam paperback with 2 bare-breasted babes on the cover, flanking a muscular dude in a loincloth, poised for who knows WHAT kind of action... First few pages are brilliantly awful, as expected. Can't quite face this today, but I'll keep it near the top of the stack to tackle soon. I promise to write about it when I've read it, as a companion piece to my The Last Canadian review. Cheers! (Oh yes, set me back $3.99. I didn't even flinch, though I did tuck the book under a more sombrely-jacketed hardcover in my pile.)
ReplyDeleteI'm experiencing buyer's remorse. Last month I bought a copy of the PaperJacks edition. Titled The Sea Lord, the cover is nowhere near as accomplished or, um, promising. It's a few books from the top in my reading pile. Should I be moving it up?
Delete