Showing posts with label Mann. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Mann. Show all posts

30 September 2025

Ted Mann's Pulp Fiction



Crimes; or: I'm Sorry Sir, But We Do Not Sell Handguns to
   Junkies
Vicar Vicars [Ted Mann]
Vancouver: Pulp, 1973
62 pages

Ted Mann died earlier this month. He wrote and produced Deadwood, the greatest series in the history of television. I know it to be the best because it's my very favourite even though I don't like westerns. Hatfields & McCoys and Homeland followed. Millennium and NYPD Blue preceded. Before television Mann wrote for National Lampoon. I remember him most from the magazine's Canadian Corner. Had it not been for the Bombardier Guide to Canadian Authors, co-written with Sean Kelly and Brian Shein, my life might've taken a different path.

Crimes is a slim book and there's not a whole lot to say about it. It's rambling, contradictory, at times incoherent, and often utterly tasteless. In short, it's just what one might expect from an uncommonly clever twenty-year-old (as Mann was at the time).

Or is it what one might expect from a clergyman of uncertain age?

The setup is simple. Vicars, a vicar whose Christian name may or may not be Victor, has long devoted himself to a study of criminal life and has drawn some conclusions!

Mann plays the vicar in photos scattered within.

Garfield Holdover Truscott III is the earliest case study. A son of New York's privileged class, of "a long line of respectable non-criminals," as a child he would taunt prep school fellows that his family's money was older. Until the age of sixteen, when he shot up for the first time, Garfield lived a charmed life. Three years later, he was thrown out of the family home after passing out on a dinner plate and vomiting on his pois vertes.

When Vicars meets Garfield – street name "the Gar" – he is feeding his addiction by stealing bicycles.

The Gar provides inside info on many crimes, including a murder committed by "Stork," the inbred son of another wealthy East Coast family who murdered his wife, a "bone addict," for sleeping with another man. Remarkably, improbably, no amount of money and influence could save him from the slammer.

The Gar's fall and the Stork's murder cover the earliest pages. What follows is even more confusing, venturing of into the fantastic. Grave robbing and reanimation will figure. Vicars gives fair warning:

The rest of the book I wrote before I was a vicar and, although I have made some slight alterations it is generally intact. At the time my ambition was to be a famous writer, hence the somewhat affected style.

Is Crimes the "book" Vicars envisioned? A letter published in its pages suggests not. At the very least, it could not have been something the Vicar planned. Written by Deacon Durkin to Pulp Press, it reads in full: 

It is with sadness I must report to you the death of my friend andcolleague of many years, Vicar Vickers [sic]. As I was clearing out the Vicar's desk I came upon a number of fragments which he may have intended for publication. Having discussed the matter with his housekeeper, I decided that this was indeed the case. So I forward them on to you to use at your discretion. The Vicar often told me I should try my hand at writing and I have taken the liberty of adding and amending certain passages in the work with an eye to cohesiveness. The majority of the work is the Vicar's, however, and I sincerely hope he gains some of the same and wealth he so richly deserved when he was alive, now that he is dead.

The final four pages take the form of three unattributed newspaper stories, the first being:

ALCOHOLIC DWARF SAYS "I USE PEOPLE'S SYMPATHY TO GET MONEY TO BUY LIQUOR"

I will not be sharing the second headline because it might mean having to change the Dusty Bookcase settings to "Sensitive Content."

The last is prescient:
NAZI WAR CRIMINALS ON CANADA'S WEST COAST
Why are these included? Were they research material? Could it be that they were written by the Vicar himself? I suppose we'll never know. 

Given his passing, it seems only right to end with with Vicar Vicars' own words:
I still want to be the best I can be, but any understanding of the best has changed considerably. It is enough for me now to walk close to God, and perhaps someday, though I blush to say it, to achieve beatification. Remember, dear reader, you are always being tested. 

Ted Mann (right)
24 October 1952, Vancouver, BC
4 September 2025, Los Angeles, CA

RIP

Trivia: Ted Mann's Hollywood Reporter obit, short on detail while at the same time the most detailed, covers the entirety of his youth in one sentence: "Born on Oct. 24, 1952, Mann worked for a magazine in Canada before becoming a writer and editor at National Lampoon."

I'm guessing that early magazine was CLIK, which is credited with providing the fourteen photos used on the cover and interior. Coincidentally, in 1994, the year I first moved to Vancouver – Ted Mann's hometown! – I was a contributor to the short-lived CD-ROM magazine CLIK!

Remember CD-ROM magazines? For eight months they were really something.

I've not been able to find trace of CLIK or CLIK! online. I have at least one copy of the latter somewhere in storage. Because it wasn't compatible with Macs it's still in its shrink wrap. 

More trivia: Though Crimes takes place in New York City, Vancouverites will recognize their city's iconic Dominion Trust Building in this photo.


Object: A slim digest-size paperback, Crimes is the eighth in the publisher's Pulp Content series, sandwiched between Mark Young's Brother Ignatius of Mary (#7) and Minimanual of the Urban Guerrilla by Carlos Marighella (#9). The final page pushes a Pulp Content title (#3):


Rick Torch was in fact poet and anthologist Barry McKinnon (1944-2023), whose 1981 collection of verse The The was shortlisted for a Governor General's Award.

Access: My copy was purchased two years ago from a from a UK bookseller in Winterton, Lincolnshire. Price: $£6.50. As I write, six copies are listed for sale online. Curiously the vast majority are being flogged by English and American booksellers. At £6.99, the least expensive is on offer from the very same man in Winterton, and features the very same compliments stamp. As far as I'm concerned, this is the one to buy.

The most expensive, US$29.75, is listed by a Vancouver, Washington bookseller who dares charge a further US$26.99 to ship a light as air 5x7¼x⅛ book that is easily slipped into a small manila envelope.

Vancouver, Washington is not to be confused with Vancouver, British Columbia. Trust me, I've been to both.

Related posts:
B is for the Bombardiar Guide to Canadian Authors
Z is for Zink, Lubor J.
The Dustiest Bookcase: E is for Eaton

04 December 2023

The Ten Best Book Buys of 2023!



With sadness, I report that 2023 was another year in which all my favourite acquisitions were purchased online. This is not to suggest that every transaction was a good one. In March, I won a lot of twelve Marilyn Ross Dark Shadows books, three of which bear the signature of their true author, New Brunswick's W.E.D. Ross. 

My lengthy victory dance came to an abrupt end when they arrived loose in a recycled Amazon box. Most were in poor condition, some featured stamps from used bookstores, and one had a previous owner's name written on its cover. Added to all this was the shipping charge, which far exceeded the amount paid for the books themselves, and was several times greater than what Canada Post had charged the seller.

Had all gone well, this copy of Barnabas, Quentin and the Frightened Bride (New York: Paperback Library, 1970) would've surely made the cut.

Enough negativity! It was a good year!

What follows is 2023's top ten:

In Nature's Workshop

Grant Allen
London: Newnes, 1901


I bought three Grant Allen books this year – the novels This Mortal Coil (1888) and At Market Value (1895) being the others – but this is the one I like the most. The posthumously published second edition, it features over one hundred illustrations by English naturalist Frederick Enock (1845-1916).


Hot Freeze

Martin Brett [Douglas
   Sanderson]
London: Reinhardt, 1954

For years I've been going on about Hot Freeze being the very best of post-war Canadian noir; it was one of the first novels reissued as a Ricochet Book. I was aware that there had been a UK edition, but couldn't find a copy with dust jacket.

Found it!
Hilary Randall: The Story
   of The Town
Horace Brown
Toronto: Voyageur, [n.d.]

While working to return Brown's 1947 novel Whispering City to print, I learned that Saturday Night editor B.K. Sandwell had thought Hilary Randall just might be the great Canadian novel. Self-published roughly four decades after its composition, my copy is inscribed!

Wedded for a Week; or, The
   Unseen Bridegroom
May Agnes Fleming
London: Milner, [n.d.]

As with Grant Allen, I can't let a year go by without adding more Fleming to my collection. The Actress' Daughter was the first, but I much prefer this 1881 novel, if only for its two titles.

Writing this I realize that I haven't read a Fleming in 2023. 

A Self-Made Thief

Hulbert Footner
London: Literary Press,
   [n.d.]

As my old review of 1930's The Mystery of the Folded Paper suggests, I'm not much of a Footner fan, Still, at £4, this last-minute addition to a large order placed with a UK bookseller seemed a bargain. The dust jacket illustration, which I hadn't seen, is unique to this edition.

Pagan Love
John Murray Gibbon
Toronto: McClelland &
   Stewart, 1922

Had I not read this novel, it's unlikely this wouldn't have made the list. Pagan Love entertained at every turn as a take-down of the burgeoning self-help industry and corporate propaganda. Odd for a man who spent most of his working life writing copy for the CPR.

Dove Cottage
Jan Hilliard [Hilda Kay
   Grant]
London: Abelard-Schulman,
   1958

There are books that grow on you. Reviewing Dove Cottage this past March I likened it to an enjoyable afternoon of community theatre, but it has remained with me in a way that the local real estate agent's performance as George Gibbs has not.

Three Dozen Sonnets &
   Fast Drawings
Bob McGee
Montreal: Véhicule, 1973

This year marked the fiftieth anniversary of Véhicule Press. Three Dozen Sonnets & Fast Drawings was the press's very first book. A pristine copy with errata slip, it appeared to have been unread.

No longer.

Awful Disclosures of Maria
   Monk
Maria Monk
New York: Howe & Bates,
   1836

A first edition copy of the text that launched an industry. Not in the best condition, but after 187 years, much of it being pawed over by anti-papist zealots, what can one expect.

My work on the Maria Monk hoax continues. 


Crimes: or, I'm Sorry Sir,
   But We Do Not Sell
   Handguns to Junkies
Vicar Vicars [Ted Mann]
Vancouver: Pulp, 1973

As far as I know, Crimes is Ted Mann's only book. When published, he was an editor at National Lampoon. The Bombardier Guide to Canadian Authors was in his future, as were NYPD Blue, Deadwood. and Homeland.


What to expect next year? More Allen and Fleming, I'm betting.  Basil King seems likely.



25 June 2018

The Dustiest Bookcase: E is for Eaton


Short pieces on books I've always meant to review (but haven't).
They're in storage as we build our new home.
Patience, please.

Memory's Wall
Flora McCrae Eaton
Toronto: Clarke Irwin, 1956
213 pages

The Bombardier Guide to Canadian Authors places Flora McCrae Eaton as second only to Malcolm Frye. Both writers transcend the boundaries of our literature: Frye rates 6½ out of a possible five skidoos, while Lady Eaton is an even six. According to the Guide, Morley Callaghan is a third the writer she is, and yet I've never read Lady Eaton's work.


Memory's Wall was Flora McCrae Eaton's second and last book. The first, Rippling Rivers: My Diary of a Camping Holiday, was published in 1920 by the T. Eaton Company, the department store headed by husband Sir John Craig Eaton. That just two books propelled her to such heights in the Bombardier Guide speaks to her talent.

Before moving to St Marys, Ontario, our home these past ten years, I'd never seen a copy of Memory's Wall. They're not at all uncommon in this small town. My copy, purchased four blocks down the street, set me back a dollar.

It's signed.


The Eatons were once prominent in St Marys; Lady Eaton's father-in law, Timothy, had a store on Queen Street, as did his brother Robert. They stand with celebrated violinist Nora Clench (Lady Streeton) and Arthur Meighen as the town's most famous residents. The latter, our ninth prime minister, provided a forward to Memory's Wall.

It begins: "This book is truly a Canadian product." 

That's as far as I've made it.

Related posts:

18 July 2013

B is for the Bombardier Guide to Canadian Authors



My introduction to Canadian literature came in the pages of National Lampoon. No joke. Canada's writers weren't taught in the Montreal public schools I attended. The assigned reading for my Grade 10 English class featured ShaneThe Pearl, Walkabout, The Chrysalids and, predictably, Lord of the Flies. Of these, my favourite was The Chrysalids, in part because it takes place in post-apocalyptic Labrador, as opposed to, say, nineteenth-century Wyoming.

So it was, just as I was preparing to shift my focus to the Australian Outback, that I bought the March 1978 issue of National Lampoon, featuring the first selection from The Bombardier Guide to Canadian Authors.


"Financed by the Bombardier Snowmobile Company," written by Ted Mann, Brian Shein and Sean Kelly, the format of the guide was simple: a brief entry, followed by a rating on a scale of zero to five skidoos.

The first to be so honoured was Margaret Atwood (one skidoo). This brief except provides a fair example of the guide's style:
She is best known for advancing the theory that America and Canada are simply states of mind, the former comparable to that of a schnapps-crazed Wehrmacht foot soldier and the latter to that of an autistic child left behind in a deserted Muskoka summer cottage playing with Molson's Ale cans, spent shell casings, and dead birds hung from the light fixture, who will one day become aware of its situation, go to college, and write novels. She is better known, among Margaret-watchers, for taking gross offense at the suggestion (in a crudely dittoed literary periodical) that she may have sparked an erection in a considerably more talented Canadian author who shall here remain nameless (see Glassco, John).
That last sentence would've been my first encounter with Glassco's name. The incident described is one that demanded particular care when writing A Gentleman of Pleasure. Rosalie Abella, the lawyer Ms Atwood hired to go after the "crudely dittoed literary periodical", now sits on the Supreme Court.*

And here's Glassco again in the entry for "Callahan, Morely":


As The Bombardier Guide to Canadian AuthorsThe Bombardier Skiddoo [sic] Guide to Canadian Authors, and, finally, The Bombardier Skiddoo [sic] Guide to Canadian Literature, the reference work appeared sporadically throughout 1978, then returned five years later. By that time, Grade 10 was far behind me and I was at university with two of Sean Kelly's kids. A coincidence worthy of Isabel Ecclestone Mackay (not covered), I suppose; much more predictable was the presence of Frederick Philip Grove on my reading lists. The April 1983 issue, marking the return of the guide, brought this well-timed entry:


The skidoo awarded Grove may have been an act of generosity. Sensitive Canadians all, the critics never left any writer empty-handed. Farley Mowat rated two snowshoes; Mazo de la Roche received two bags of cash. There was also some playing around with the skidoos, most notably the two awarded George Jonas and Barbara Amiel, "Canada's most formidable literary spouse-and-spouse team and toast of Toronto's propeller set" (see below).

Every bit as relevant as The Oxford Companion to Canadian Literature, and at times just as funny, I've held onto my copies.


It's doing a bit of a disservice to reduce the guide to a list of ratings, but the following gives a good idea of its scope.

 
Northrop Frye

6
Lady Flora Eaton

5
Émile Nelligan
Malcolm Lowry
Society of Jesus

4
Stephen Leacock
E.J. Pratt
Mordecai Richler
Lubor J. Zink

3
Ralph Connor
Robertson Davies
Timothy Eaton
John Herbert
Brian Moore
F.R. Scott
George Woodcock

2
John Buchan
Morley Callaghan
Bliss Carman
William Henry Drummond
The Four Horsemen
Robert Fulford
Louis Hémon
Archibald Lampman
Eli Mandel
James Reaney
Sir Charles G.D. Roberts

Irving Layton

1
Margaret Atwood
Pierre Berton
Earle Birney
bill bisset
Louis Dudek
Alan Fotheringham
Hugh Garner
Oliver Goldsmith
Frederick Philip Grove
Guy F. Claude Hamel
Hugh MacLennan
Marshall McLuhan
Jay McPherson
Susanna Moodie
John Newlove
Marjorie Pickthall
Al Purdy
Duncan Campbell Scott
Scott Symons
Charles Templeton

George Bowering (one skidoo, one baseball bat)
John Buell (two skidoos, two crosses)
Leonard Cohen (two skidoos, one razor blade)
Octave Crémazie (one flag bearing a fleur de lys)
Mazo de la Roche (two bags of cash)
Thomas Chandler Haliburton (one horse-drawn skidoo)
Hugh Hood (five baseball gloves)
Pauline Johnson (one canoe)
George Jonas and Barbara Amiel (two skidoos, mating)
A.M. Klein (three skidoos, three Stars of David)
John McCrae (one skidoo, one cross)
W.O. Mitchell (one skidoo, two rocking chairs)
Lucy Maud Montgomery (one skidoo, one bonnet)
Farley Mowat (two snowshoes)
Robert W. Service (one skidoo drawn by three huskies)
Joe Wallace (one skidoo, one hammer and sickle)
J. Michael Yates (one skidoo, two snakes)
Scott Young (one broken hockey stick)

There never was an entry for Glassco.

* Shameless plug: Still more on the scandal is found in the brand spanking new Heart Accepts It All: Selected Letters of John Glassco, edited by yours truly.