The Globe & Mail, 26 September 1953
Slimmer Pickings
42 minutes ago
A JOURNEY THROUGH CANADA'S FORGOTTEN, NEGLECTED AND SUPPRESSED WRITING
Dear "Fan Club President",I'm dropping you this line,I'm sorry to have to tell youI really must resign.I've found another idol,He's as charming as can be,I really can't describeThe strange effect he has on meI start to shake,I start to shiver,Every fibre in me really starts to quiver.It's a feeling very close to ecstacy.That's what happens when Liberace winks at me.You can't compare his charming mannerWith an ordinary Jerry, Joe or Jim.And when he sits there at the pianaNo one can hold a candelabra to him.I never work,Just dilly dally,Since I fell under the spell of this Svengally,I just sit there spellbound facing my T.V.That's what happens when Liberace winks at me.I start to blush,I start to stammer,And my pulses start a pounding like a hammer.I'm bewitched as any fool can plainly see.That's what happens when Liberace winks at me.It's really very, very simple,'cause he makes me feel just like a royal queen.And when he winks and shows that dimple,I start to hug and kiss my television screen.I go beserk,I start to tingle,And I'm so gosh darned glad that I'm still single.When he drops that eyelid, I just shout WOE-EE!!That's what happens when Liberace winks at me.I start to whirl,I'm getting dizzy,I'm in a haze, I'm in a haze, I'm in a tizzyI'm a victim of a strange new sorcery.That's what happens when Liberace winks at me.